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Dean can’t tell Cas he loves him.
He can’t tell Cas he misses him like a phantom limb. He can’t tell Cas he just wants him around everywhere, all the time. Wants to look up and catch his eye in the rearview mirror of the car, wants to sit beside him in the kitchen and make him burgers, wants to put an extra pillow on his bed and sleep all tangled up with him.
He can’t tell him that he sees him everywhere; random dudes with dark hair and blue eyes, a flash of tan coat, another dumb lowriding ‘78 Lincoln.
He’s not brave enough. Just a drunken coward too scared to tell his best friend that he loves him, to ask him to stick around. He can’t do it because it’s too damn big, too damn painful. Too impossible. Words aren’t his thing and occasionally he practices his little speech in the mirror but sounds like a moron because the words get mixed up in his mouth and come out wrong so he gives up and drinks a fifth of Jack and keeps his cell phone far far away on the other side of the room.
But one day, he feels brave. One day, he picks up his phone and opens a blank message and puts in Cas’s number and writes, “Will you come home now?” and sends it before he can stop himself.
The reply comes back not sixty seconds later and he smiles and his eyes crinkle when he reads: “Yes.”
"The most important things are the hardest to say because words diminish them."
- Stephen King